This year, I played around with the idea of asking my two girls to take part in Lent. Specifically, I wondered if I should ask them to take on some sort of lenten discipline. In part, I’d like them to learn some discipline so that they can keep their rooms clean and put their dishes in the sink after dinner, but there’s something else here, too. With each passing year as an Episcopalian, and with each passing year as a priest, I find Lent to be more and more important. Let me explain why, then I’ll get back to the topic of kids.

I didn’t grow up as an Episcopalian. I didn’t grow up in a liturgical tradition at all, actually. I was raised in a Dutch Reformed church that was not really all that strict (something I’ve come to realize is actually pretty surprising; most Dutch Reformed folks I’ve heard about are pretty intense). Growing up, Christianity was kind of what we did, and the different parts of the Christian tradition were presented in a kind of take-’em-or-leave-’em way (if they were presented at all).

It was only in my mid- to late-twenties that my wife brought me to a Roman Catholic church, then a friend to an Episcopal church. When I encountered things like the Eucharist, the Church Calendar, the Communion of Saints, and all the rest of the tradition, I was astounded. Here was a wealth of wisdom and practices that were mine for the taking. I didn’t have to make it all up as I went along. People had worked out the theological kinks in the Christian life hundreds of years ago, and folks had been living out this Christian life ever since. There was very little that didn’t draw me in.

I’ve come to learn, however, that many people who grew up with these traditions (Lent specifically) do not have the same level of joy that I have in things like Ash Wednesday and Good Friday or in taking on a lenten practice. I’ve spoken to some people who see Lent as a burden, a time to show off one’s chops, or as another shot at new year’s resolutions. In some people’s upbringing, giving up things for Lent didn’t have much of a spiritual component. It was more punitive. Or just kinda silly.

A picture of some of the funny little things that are appearing in our back yard as the snow is melting.

Giving something up for Lent (or, importantly, taking on a practice for Lent) should always be founded on deepening our relationship with God. That’s the whole point. It’s not about putting less sugar in our coffee or giving up meat on Fridays, though if doing these things draws us closer to Jesus Christ and the Gospel, then have at it. Lent is a time when we as the church collectively refocus or reorient ourselves towards the core of our Christian lives, which is that relationship with God. That’s the whole point.

So why not invite children into that process, especially if (as Episcopalians believe) they are made full members of the Church through their Baptisms? Well, to be frank, I’m not sure that I understand the relationship children have with God. It’s easy to idealize this relationship and think of children as having this beautiful, close connection with the Creator and Savior, but children are human, too. A variety of life experiences might challenge this connection, nor is a relationship with God automatically perfect. Children also need to grow in their faith with God.

Children, however, don’t always learn through disciplined efforts and perseverance. Not at least from my perspective, anyway. To me, it seems that children lead through example and through experience. Our church has a pretty good program for children’s education, and they focus on this exemplar, experiential way of teaching – which I find really heartening as a parent and very happy about as the rector. For example, the teachers are creating a Palm Sunday lesson that involves foot-washing and veneration of the cross, which sounds like a lot more fun than whatever sermon I choose to come up with for the day. I think the kids will get a lot out of it, and (just as important) I think that the adults will get just about as much out of it, too. Guiding children through these important days is sometimes the best teaching method for us adults.

Yet even so, why not start my children on a lenten discipline? Why not ask them to get up a little earlier so that we can pray together before school? Why not read some spiritual picture books together? We have a collection of short stories from George MacDonald (wonderful George MacDonald) that might work really well for kids their age. And then, of course, simply ask them, “How do you think we can get closer to God?” Showing kids that adults ask these questions is an important way to prepare them for being healthy, mature Christians themselves.

And maybe that’s just the answer: ask my kids what they think about taking on a practice. Suggest something (I like the idea of saying a prayer in the morning – just a quick one – before school) and see if they’re interested. Maybe they will be. Maybe they’re not ready for it just yet. Maybe asking them is more to the point than actually doing it, at least for now.